I don’t make long posts. Some are longer than others but in the grand scheme of things I know I like to get right to the point. For some, having a blog is a chance to exercise their creative writing. I’m trying to allow some of mine to seep through because I think its my stronger suit, but it can be difficult when some days I just want to use this platform to air my grievances and whine – much like the inconsolable baby on the floor who is fussing because she wants to roll under the couch but can’t fit. This battle against the couch is a daily struggle for her. She’s conquered all parts of the carpet but the dusty regions beneath the sofa and she can’t seem to understand that no amount of kicking and wriggling is going to make this beast move…
Maybe years of making facebook status statements has ruined me. I’m too lazy to take the time and look at what is around me. When I am writing I need to still be present in my landscape of my crumpled blankets, askew couch cushions, scattered toys, and the every-present, self-replenishing stack of dirty dishes. The pungent smells, imploring looks, and repetitive ruckus coming from the little thing rolling around beneath me calling, “Save me, mommy! Why are you doing anything but playing with me? ”
I started this blog when I became pregnant. I wanted to share my experiences, hopes, and feelings. I was nervous that my entire identity might get sucked up and I’d just be somebody’s mom. Looking back I think I sensed the sacrifice that was coming but no where close to its fullest extant. I had no idea that I would sacrifice absolutely everything (even the chance to pee!) to keep little girl happy and (please-dear-God) asleep!! Those first three months were the hardest; they were the adjustment period. At about 6 months we hit our stride though and little by little I am reclaiming some small pleasures, rediscovery some old bits that survived the shuffle, and finding a new side to myself that I like and that likes me. 🙂
As far as writing now, I still don’t want to be “just mommy.” I’m sorry, the mom-blog is no longer a niche market. But that’s ok! Because I don’t think I would be happy or true to myself if all I ever talked about were my parenting decisions, family vacations, motherhood anxieties, etc. I’m not saying that is all mom blogs are, I love reading them! They are full of insight, humor, and heart. But I would feel pigeon holed if I didn’t allow myself a wider range. I don’t want to write only or mostly about being a mom but how I think, decide, and see the world as a mom.
Maybe that won’t make me super popular but I was looking at those awesome individuals who have graciously decided to follow me and realized how varied they all are. Some post about art, some post their own art, I’ve got poets, other moms, chefs, travelers, writers and in perusing through their various posts I came to recognize what my own blog actually is. My voice is a mom’s voice, it is wonderfully inescapable and marks every part of my thinking in some tiny way. But this is not a topic blog. I don’t care what articles say who promise to make me the most well-read blog on the internet. I will not resign myself to only ever discussing this one issue. My posts are about me and as I am not a flat, one-dimensional character neither should they. It isn’t a topic, it’s a POV.
These are words from my point of view as a mom. How I see the world and myself in it now that this beautiful, constant (kicking me in the back as I type this) presence has joined my family.
Maybe you already know this because you’ve been following me for a while but: Internet prowess be damned; I’m gonna write about what ever I want!